if you were here
So last nite, Jake and I were judges in a small town MMA event. It was, well, entertaining. And it was just about everything I would expect in a stereotypical small town. The people we met in the town and the bar we had dinner in were nice, mostly farmer-ish looking people. The people at the fight were white trash, inbred, borderline scary people.
I ended up sitting at a table where the ring girls were sitting, the ring girls that had been hired that afternoon. What this should tell you is that they would not have been anybody sought out normally to be a ring girl. They were accompanied by one of the girl's equally skanky mothers, and their kids. That's right, the 19 year old ring girls had two kids each, all in the 4-7 years range. There was even an indescribably uncomfortable moment where it was suggested by the "promoter" of the event to get the girls in the ring and 'dance' during an intermission. So now they get up, in front of mom and kids, and effectively do a 10 minute stripper dance for dollar bills.
It was surreal.
The fights were varied. There was what appeared to be an extended family of troglyditic inbreds there as an entire team, as they all seemed to think were fighters, despite that fact that they were all very overweight, smoked, and generally looked like something that crawled out of the woods in deliverance.
The first fight was the only one we as judges actually had to render a decision. It was two 20-year old, in good fighting shape. Although there was no knockout or stoppage, it was fairly one-sided, and we had a unanimous decision.
The second fight was a 30-something year old guy who looked to be in even worse shape than me, but was tall, and you could see he was comfortable in the ring, ready to fight. He was to fight Cletus, the largest of the clem family, a guy who seriously looked like a retarded homeless guy they had just talked into doing this 5 minutes before the fight started. No real equipment, incredibly overweight, and had a serious "deer in the headlights" look about him. I did not think it was going to go well for him, and it went even worse than I would have expected.
After the ref told them to start, most fighters will put their arms straight out in a "let's touch gloves out of respect before we start" kind of move, similar to bowing before fighting in martial arts, or shaking hands before a wrestling match.
The experienced guy used this move to his advantage, and a move where he put out his left arm straight to touch gloves, and .1 seconds after they touched, he was lunging in with everything he had to hit Cletus with his right. Cletus never even knew they were really starting, and he caught a huge right to the face, and it leveled him. He got 2-3 more times on the way down, and it was over.
The experienced guy is jumping around like he's king of the world, and I'm thinking "you're celebrating the fact that you sucker-punched a retard"
Cletus is on the ground, crying. It was kindof sad.
The rest of the fights were not as dramatic, and nearly every member of the clem family fought and lost, but not so spectacularly.
One was great because it was a 37 year old fighting a younger 20s kid, and it was very, very close. It ended up being stopped by the ref, and the whole crowd booed because it did seem like a premature stoppage. But that's the ref's call I guess.
All in all, it was entertaining, and I would do it again, if for no other reason than I get in free, and get the best seats in the house.
I ended up sitting at a table where the ring girls were sitting, the ring girls that had been hired that afternoon. What this should tell you is that they would not have been anybody sought out normally to be a ring girl. They were accompanied by one of the girl's equally skanky mothers, and their kids. That's right, the 19 year old ring girls had two kids each, all in the 4-7 years range. There was even an indescribably uncomfortable moment where it was suggested by the "promoter" of the event to get the girls in the ring and 'dance' during an intermission. So now they get up, in front of mom and kids, and effectively do a 10 minute stripper dance for dollar bills.
It was surreal.
The fights were varied. There was what appeared to be an extended family of troglyditic inbreds there as an entire team, as they all seemed to think were fighters, despite that fact that they were all very overweight, smoked, and generally looked like something that crawled out of the woods in deliverance.
The first fight was the only one we as judges actually had to render a decision. It was two 20-year old, in good fighting shape. Although there was no knockout or stoppage, it was fairly one-sided, and we had a unanimous decision.
The second fight was a 30-something year old guy who looked to be in even worse shape than me, but was tall, and you could see he was comfortable in the ring, ready to fight. He was to fight Cletus, the largest of the clem family, a guy who seriously looked like a retarded homeless guy they had just talked into doing this 5 minutes before the fight started. No real equipment, incredibly overweight, and had a serious "deer in the headlights" look about him. I did not think it was going to go well for him, and it went even worse than I would have expected.
After the ref told them to start, most fighters will put their arms straight out in a "let's touch gloves out of respect before we start" kind of move, similar to bowing before fighting in martial arts, or shaking hands before a wrestling match.
The experienced guy used this move to his advantage, and a move where he put out his left arm straight to touch gloves, and .1 seconds after they touched, he was lunging in with everything he had to hit Cletus with his right. Cletus never even knew they were really starting, and he caught a huge right to the face, and it leveled him. He got 2-3 more times on the way down, and it was over.
The experienced guy is jumping around like he's king of the world, and I'm thinking "you're celebrating the fact that you sucker-punched a retard"
Cletus is on the ground, crying. It was kindof sad.
The rest of the fights were not as dramatic, and nearly every member of the clem family fought and lost, but not so spectacularly.
One was great because it was a 37 year old fighting a younger 20s kid, and it was very, very close. It ended up being stopped by the ref, and the whole crowd booed because it did seem like a premature stoppage. But that's the ref's call I guess.
All in all, it was entertaining, and I would do it again, if for no other reason than I get in free, and get the best seats in the house.
Comments
For real? Holy crap I was laughing the whole time...
Posted by: David | June 20, 2007 1:25 PM