The Halls

TOP STORY

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:46:13 -0600

Very funny. Funnier since it seems to be 100% false.

Anne Hathaway Loves Anal Sex?

According to a source at Esquire, the upcoming issue features an interview with Anne Hathaway in which she endorses anal sex.

Anne reportedly says that “every woman should try it, otherwise they miss out on something amazing.” She also (allegedly!) speaks about the significance of the first time and how anal penetration makes her feel feminine in a “very special way.”

Is this true? Did Anne really say this?

I have no idea. Nothing about Anne Hathaway surprises me these days.

But it’s a relatively slow news day, and I don’t think we’ve ever really had an in-depth discussion about anal sex around here, so now seems as good a time as any.

with karate I'll kick your ass

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 17:52:09 -0600

I got my black belt in judo over 12 years ago.
There's always been some japanese characters on it, and I've never known exactly what they were, but was told it was my name.
I've always been a little curious just how accurate that was, so I took a picture of it and asked one of the japanese girls at work to translate it, and she confirmed it was my last name.

Then she gave me my entire name in japanese, which is turns out is
アーロン　ホール

This is now my new email signature, because it is cool.

dream on

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 17:21:48 -0600

I'm typing this on a machine that has a harddrive making a very constant, loud cricket-like chirping noise. This cannot be a good thing.

I just dropped all the kdis off at various sleepovers, so Ann and I are off to actually have nite out. We were going to go see a movie at a local theatre where they serve beer, but they have a lame band tonite, so I'm sure the nite will center around eating instead.

Tomorrow it's a mile run for the girls, then a group of friends are gathering at one friend's farm for a campfire get together. But we have Karsyn as well, so me and girls may just visit that for a few hours and then come back to my uncle and aunt's football watching party.

Which is the story of the week.
My uncle Ron has everything, and is a bit of a pack rat. This means that if I ever need something, no matter how foreign or unusual, it's very likely he owns it.
2 years ago, I was very excited to get a PPV UFC event, and I wanted to watch it during a poker tournament, so thought it would a cool idea to steal a work projector, and show the fight in my garage on a large screen. I don't have a large projector screen, but I thought if anyone in the world did, it was uncle Ron.
I was 100% right.
And in his infinite generosity, he let me borrow, saying that he of course, never uses it anymore.
So it's lived at my house for the last 2 years, as I use it for almost every UFC PPV event coordinated with poker tournaments.

Until a month ago.
It's a nice summer nite, and we're all in the garage playing cards, with the garage door open. A big gust of wind blows in, and blows the freaking screen over! At the time, I was more concerned for a friend who the thing came crashing down on, and the big metal bar at the top of the screen hit him in the head!
But the someone was sitting between him and the screen, and his head made contact with it right in the middle of the screen and caused it to tear neatly in half. The entire freaking screen was ruined in .5 seconds.

Great, now I have no screen, and have to replace it. I start looking through craigslist, and find nothing. I make a habit to look about once a week, and nothing is coming up, when of course Murphey dictates that uncle Ron decides to throw a "let's watch football at my place using a projector and the screen my nephew has" party.
Awesome.
I wanted to replace the thing with the exact same thing and not even have to admit what happened. Now, not only do I have to admit what happened, I screwed his whole party up too.
So I redoubled my efforts to find one by saturday, by expanding the search area to include omaha.
I then was very excited to find one in council bluffs.
So I had my brother go meet the person in omaha, and buy it. Then he brings it with him on saturday when he goes to the game, and Ron has it in time for his party.

Problem sovled, I'm a hero.

My brother calls me after buying it and says "Why do you want this thing?"
I explain the story, and he says, "well, you're not watching anything on this screen."
"What? Why?"
"its like 2ft tall"
"..... What?"
"Yeah, it's really small"
So I go and check through the ad again, and sure enough, the pictures look great, but they are just of the screen, not next to anything for a scale reference, and it looks great, but then in the decsription there are the 5 characters, "20x32"

Who makes a screen that small?
What could that even be for?
Drive in movies for the flea circus?

I don't know, but I now own it, and still screwed Ron 's party.

polkorama!

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 11:01:31 -0600

ok, I was getting better at more frequent updates, then got very busy last week.
I spent most of the weekend either working on code, at a soccer game, (one coaching, one just to watch), or working on the stupid rental complex.
Friday was nothing too much, but did work on coding some free-lance stuff until 3am.
Got up around 10, went and coached the girls soccer game, where they crushed them again.
I got a bunch of crap last week from friends, saying that I got our team put into the handicapped division, then we run around killing everyone, and although that wasn't the intension, that's kindof how it's working out.
We're pretty desperate to get the girls in a better division.
Sat nite we stayed home, watched our niece, and I did a lot more work.
Sunday we got up and went to a UNL women's soccer game, and directly from there went to beatrice to work on the apartments that need to be fixed up until almost 10pm.
Good times.
Nothing very noteworthy.
I'm going to be happy for the upcoming vegas vacation in oct, I could use a break from work.

To make up for my lack of entries, go here, as I do, and be entertained.
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/category/fact-check/

sanitarium

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 01:41:35 -0600

My fall trip to vegas is fast approaching. I was on the hairy edge of bailing on it entirely, but I only get to see this group of friends once a year at best, and it's very much a comedy routine personified, as we can pick up immediately from the year before without a beat.

We all fall immediately into the same old routines, which generally are insulting each other to the point that someone who doesn't know better would think we're going to kill one another.
I've been ejected from blackjack tables for swearing too explicitlly only with this group of friends.

It was a funny thing to me to tonite, as I was giving Ann a hard time about nothing in particular, and she, being more sensitive to comedic jabs as she is, said "do you talk to everyone you know this way?"
To which I responded, "actually, yes, I do."
So I'm starting to have a hard time keeping the levels of insult people can tolerate clear. That could be a problem, because as you will see below, if I allow the level of insult that exchanges between my college friends and myself to creep into my normal life, everyone will leave me.

Here is but a snippet of the all too typical email exchanges:
(this is about as far away from kid-friendly as text can be, so... reader beware.....)
A bit of background, Doug has been on a dumb reality car racing show for 2 years in a row, and missed our sacred vegas trip because of it.

From: Aaron Hall [mailto:Aaron.Hall@ingenient.com]
Sent: Monday, September 22, 2008 2:08 PM
To: Joel McClurkin; scott belina; sabro68@yahoo.com; david@hshh.com; Thomas Spieker; Darren Kikuta; Chris Rokusek; Doug Chase; Kadavy, Dale
Subject: RE: tickets

I’m booked for thurs nite thru sat nite. Leaving Sunday increased the ticket by 75%

I called the mirage and reserved two rooms, but they are expensive as hell.

The rates are

Thurs/Fri/Sat

169/199/199

Per room!

This is due to some convention. Sucks.

So we have them if we want them, but the obvious choice here is to bail on those and stay downtown.

I stayed at binion’s in june for $25/nite!

From: Doug Chase [mailto:doug@chaserace.com]
Sent: Wednesday, September 24, 2008 12:46 PM
To: Aaron Hall; 'Joel McClurkin'; 'scott belina'; sabro68@yahoo.com; david@hshh.com; 'Thomas Spieker'; 'Darren Kikuta'; 'Chris Rokusek'; 'Kadavy, Dale'
Subject: RE: tickets

WHAT. THE. FUCK??

Going home Saturday night!? At 6?!? That means you'll be leaving TI like at 4!

You fucking pussy. According to Southwest's site that flight cost you $288. You could have left Sunday morning at 8:40am for $354 or you could have slept in and left at 11:05am for $371.

I can't believe you want to stay on the fucking strip, rent fucking Harleys, yet you can't spend another fucking $66 or $83 to STAY FUCKING SATURDAY NIGHT.

Jesus, C. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Doug

From: Aaron Hall [mailto:Aaron.Hall@ingenient.com]
Sent: Wednesday, September 24, 2008 10:57 AM
To: Doug Chase; Joel McClurkin; scott belina; sabro68@yahoo.com; david@hshh.com; Thomas Spieker; Darren Kikuta; Chris Rokusek; Kadavy, Dale
Subject: RE: tickets

Must not have made the show, huh?

No way you go on a diatribe like that and not show up at all… again.

You know, completely the opposite of me.

Am I Right?

From: Doug Chase [mailto:doug@chaserace.com]
Sent: Wednesday, September 24, 2008 1:11 PM
To: Aaron Hall; 'Joel McClurkin'; 'scott belina'; sabro68@yahoo.com; david@hshh.com; 'Thomas Spieker'; 'Darren Kikuta'; 'Chris Rokusek'; 'Kadavy, Dale'
Subject: RE: tickets

Haven't heard anything about the show and don't expect more than about 3 weeks notice if/when I do. Also don't know if I'll go do the show even if I do get called, or if I'm going to stay here and work.

Also haven't decided if I'm coming to Vegas this year or if I'm going to stay here and work. It's all about economics.

But if I do come, I sure as hell aren't going home on SATURDAY FUCKING AFTERNOON.

Pussy.

Doug

From: Aaron Hall [mailto:Aaron.Hall@ingenient.com]
Sent: Wednesday, September 24, 2008 11:29 AM
To: Doug Chase; Joel McClurkin; scott belina; sabro68@yahoo.com; david@hshh.com; Thomas Spieker; Darren Kikuta; Chris Rokusek; Kadavy, Dale
Subject: RE: tickets

As I always say, “it’s all relative”

There is no possible way I can be the biggest pussy for leaving early as long as I can count on others (such as you) to not show up at all. Two years in a row.

Truth be known, my economic situation is also very unstable, and I damn near decided against the whole trip.

But then I remembered that if I were to do that, the terrorists would win!

That, and I would be the biggest pussy of all, and I can’t live with that.

I’m counting on Joel’s vast oil money to get spread around, subsidizing this trip for the rest of us.

I didn't say you'd be the biggest pussy, just a pussy. The biggest pussy title was locked long ago by someone else.

And actually if I don't come this year it'll be THREE years in a row, not two. Damn, dude, if you're going to insult me at least get your facts straight to maximize your insult power.

I hadn't thought about Joel's vast oil money subsidizing the trip. Thanks, Joel! I'll have to go recalculate with that in mind...

Dug

pieces of what

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 16:02:00 -0600

Goto Dave's page for the actual SNL skit this thumb is from. It's possilby the best political bit they've done since Ferral portrayed Bush during the Florida recount fiasco, and "Where are all the grownups!?!?" while curled into a fetal ball in the corner of the room while Katherine Harris and Gore are rationally discussing the next step.

My favorite part of this latest quote is that she never said it. I don't know the true origin, but I first heard it said by some retard republican delegate at the RNC. Now it's being tacked to her like she said it, which is fantastic. I don't know what I think of her really, other than I have to admit she's generated a lot more interest in the McCain ticket than I ever thought possible.
Only in terms that the SNL skit addresses, which makes me laugh just thinking about it.

pigs on the wing

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 01:16:30 -0600

Fact.
I do not have the ability and/or willpower to not listen the entire album of Animals by Pink Floyd after hearing just one song from the same.
Perhaps best album ever. Well, that, and Wish You Were Here. I used to be this infatuated with it in high school too. Kicks the crap (longevity-wise) of all my other favorite albums.

RIP Nick Wright.

you ain't nothing but a hounddog

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 22:11:21 -0600

Sadly, I just learned of this treachery on my brother's part

You would think I would have known about this alternative lifestyle he was leading, but as usual, I'm late to the party.

the kids are all wrong

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 14:56:11 -0600

Tuesdays are busy days here.
Ann works, I work, play racquetball, work, then run soccer practice.
Yesterday, the girls had an additional piano practice before soccer practice, and then Ann also had to go to a PTA meeting during our soccer practice, so Aubrey was at home by himself for a time while we were at practice. I planned to pick up a pizza on the way home from soccer.

Practice was really fun for the girls, because we share the park with a group of 3rd grade boys from their school as well, and at the end of practice, we scrimmaged with them for ~20 minutes, which everyone seemed to get a kick out of.

After practice was over, we got in the car, and I noticed I had like 3 missed calls from home, which is not just rare, it's never happened. I had initially forget that Ann was already gone, and was trying to figure out what she would keep calling for, when the phone rang again, from home.

So I answer, and it's Aubrey, clearly in a panic. He's talking about how the air condition spontaneously broke, such that all the smoke contained therein (the freon) came shooting out, and really freaked him out. The fact that he was freaked out was clear, but I couldn't be sure I was hearing everything right on the phone because he was stuttering so bad I couldn't understand half of it. So I told him to just shut off the air conditioner, and I'd be home in a bit.

When I got home, I said, "ok, so what happened, again?"
And he gave me a story about how he was in the yard, far away from the unit, when it suddenly made a load bang, and all the smoke came spewing out of the side.
"Where on the side? Show me."
He walks up to the unit, and points to a spot on the unit that had obviously been hit with something, hard.
"And you didn't see what happened, you weren't anywhere near this when it happened?"
"no"
hmm.

All I know at this point is the air conditioner is dead. All freon gone.
I can't tell what hit the condenser, but something hit it hard, and burst the copper beneath the cooling fins. This will not be cheap.
He's acting so guilty, but not giving it up, so I decide to wait it out. He can't hold it in.
The most damning thing he does is go to bed early, which on any other nite, if you ask him to do it, you may as well ask him to pour battery acid on himself. It possibly the worst punishment in the world. So when he does it on his own, he may as well wear a name tag that says "guilty".

So we get the full story finally, him sitting on the edge of his bed, head hanging. He was screwing around with a homemade bow and arrow he created out of those flexible tent poles, two were the the bow, and single sections were the arrows. I've seen him running around in the backyard with these things in the past. You know, with the other 8 year olds. I'm sure he wasn't aiming at the air conditioner condenser, but it was accidentally released at it, and the tent pole/arrow went directly into the copper.
But the best part is, the freon doesn't come out right away. He panics, runs over to remove the evidence, and only when he pulls the arrow out does the mass of freon come shooting out, all over him. So he freaked because he knows he's dead twice, once for breaking the AC and again because he's got the toxic waste inside all over him.

BJ had the best comment on this, saying that when I heard the initial story of "I was nowhere near it when it happened", at which point I was already highly suspicous it was all him, I should have said "oh, that's good. If that stuff would have got on you, it can kill you in just a few hours if you're not treated at the hospital"
I could have got a confession much quicker that way.

snakes and arrows

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 09:15:48 -0600

This is fantastic, and brings about a whole new threat for parents to throw at their kids.

Neb. 'safe-haven' law allows abandonment of teens

By JEAN ORTIZ – Aug 22, 2008

But the best part?
Some have already used it (and not as a threat, they really used it!).

Aunt Leaves Teen at Hospital Under Safe Haven Law

Save Email Print

Lincoln
Posted: 12:04 PM Sep 15, 2008
Last Updated: 11:05 PM Sep 15, 2008
Reporter: KOLN/KGIN and AP

A Lincoln woman dropped off her 15-year old nephew at a Lincoln hospital under Nebraska's safe haven law. Another child was left at an Omaha hospital over the weekend. The law, passed just this year, allows guardians to drop off kids without prosecution.

Lincoln Police Chief Tom Casady said a 44-year old woman dropped off her 15-year old nephew at BryanLGH West Saturday evening. The woman is the boy's aunt, and his legal guardian. Casady said she told police the boy had behavior problems and she couldn't handle him anymore.

"I've talked to lots of parents who are frustrated and at their wits end on how to deal with teens. It's frustrating to be in the middle of that and this appears to be a guardian that in frustration took the child and dropped his stuff and him at the hospital," said Chief Casady.

He said police contacted Health and Human Services and the boy is now in temporary protective custody.

State Senator Arnie Stuthman of Platte Center sponsored the safe haven bill in the Legislature. Stuthman told 10/11 News it was never the intent of the bill to allow a guardian to leave an older child at a hospital if the child was exhibiting behavioral problems. He said the law was intended to allow mothers to leave newborns at a hospital without fear of prosecution.

Another child was left Saturday at Immanuel Medical Center in Omaha. A hospital spokeswoman declined to discuss details of the case, including the child's age or gender. She says the hospital followed procedure. Sen. Stuthman said the child involved in the Omaha case is 11-years old.

A spokeswoman with the state Department of Health and Human Services says the two cases are the first since the new law came into effect in July.

The law allows anyone to drop off a child at a state-licensed hospital, but does not specify what ages constitute a child. The law protects the person dropping off a child from abandonment charges.

Sen. Stuthman expressed concern about the effect these incidents could have on those children. He said under the law, the state Department of Health and Human Services and the Lancaster County Attorney will investigate, and determine what will happen to them.

Stuthman said he's thinking about proposing changes to the law to prevent guardian's from dropping off older children.

This last line is fantastic. Wow. Thinking about it are we? Seems like a good time to do so. You know, way after the fact. Good work, genius.

nothingtown

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 08:13:38 -0600

I have a big poker weekend ahead.
Tonite I'm going to the horseshoe to play in a HORSE tournament. Then tomorrow I'm hosting a Hold'em tournament at my place while watching the husker football game.

I could care less about the game of course, but if we didn't have that on, no one else would show up.

Today I wanted to sleep in, but ended up waking up at 6am, mostly because I couldn't stop thinking about the tournament tonite, Throw in the middle of all the poker the girls' 9am soccer game, and I may not get any sleep this weekend.

swiper no swiping!

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 13:16:53 -0600

Freaking classic (as long as you know who Dora the explorer is)

hungry like the wolf

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 00:50:46 -0600

Why do I only post about the weekends?
Oh yeah, it's because I'm stupid busy all week long, and pretty much sunday nite (sometimes) is the only time I can sit down at the pc for something recreational.

So this week was lots of work. Lot of main job work, lots of side job work.
Played some poker, poorly, on wed nite. Every other nite was work.
Friday nite I went to a friend's house to meet several guys I went college with, most of whom I new through the fraternity I was in. The fraternity is now defunct on our campus, so this is the only way we'd every see each other anymore.
Friday was fun, but I knew I had to get up early the next day.
So to bed at 2am, up at 7:20am to drive to omaha for a judo clinic. It was pretty good, and now that I've caught up on some sleep, I'd say it was worth it.
But then when it was over, I had to drive back to Lincoln to coach the girls' soccer game. They are starting to come together, and when we get our best girls out there, they are a force. We also have several deadbeats, so overall, our team is hit and miss.
When the deadbeats are on the field, we (predictably) suck. When just the girls who try hard and have skills are out there, they literally run circles around everyone else.

When that was over, I drove back to omaha, barely beating the huge traffic jam from the just ended football game going back to omaha. It was an insane amount of driving, but I lived.
I met more fraternity friends, and we just hung out at a friend's house, eating and drinking.
It was a very good, and very good to see those guys, although I'm nearly the oldest one of all of them, and can't really party like they can.
I attempted to take some pics with my camera, but it's awful at taing nighttime pictures in general.

This week will hopefully be a little less hectic. I have a lot of poker planned, so hopefully I can play well and be profitable.

interstate love song

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 09:15:59 -0600

Crazy busy weekend for us, but it was fun.
My parents came into town for the weekend, and then left on monday, which made it a crazy short trip.
Friday, not too much to speak of.

Saturday, was the first husker football game, which the rest of the state completely revolved around it, and everything concerning it, yet I could not have cared any less about it.
So my parents and my family stayed home and watched my brother's kid while they went to the game.

Sunday was a welcome home from Poland party for BJ, Shelly and their new son, Micheal.
We stayed there late, playing a lot of polish horseshoes, which is easily the game that I am worst at, yet still am willing to play. If I'm just god-awful at something, like say for instance, basketball, I'm generally just not going to play it. I am awful at this polish horseshoes, but I still like to play.

We played some pitch after it got dark, where I found that I am no good at pitch unless I drink too much, as the last time we played, I had no idea what was happening, but I won. This time, I did know, but wasn't 3 sheets to the wind, and lost.

There's a lesson in there, somewhere.

Monday, Labor day, we all had to go to beatrice to gut a recently vacated apartment in the building that Jon and I own. It was in as bad of condition as I could have ever of imagined.

Here's my favorite one

The best part?

In the corner there, are several small brown marks. Not just cat crap, cat diaherria. And a lot of it.

Clearly the only thing that could be done was to rip out all the carpet and throw away everything. Dusting that ceiling fan was fun. While there, the apartment next door leaked water throughout it's whole floor and will most likely also need new carpet.

This is the only thing we've had to do to it thusfar, but wow, what a first thing.

The worst part about this place was that the guy who lived in this apartment had a 6-ish year old daughter. And while I'd heard of people trashing an apartment just before leaving, it was pretty clear this is what they were living in. It was not trashed before leaving, this was how they lived.

A great bonus was finding a camera SD card. What's the first thing you think when you find that? yeah, me too. Sadly, I wasn't disappointed, er, well, however you want to look at it. Ann and i were mostly concerned we were going to find pictures that would force us to report this dirtball to social services, but nothing that bad. Just predictably gruesome pictures of this guy and his girlfriend. Good times.

So we spent our labor day working out butts off, carrying trash, scrubbing toilets and showers, and hauling cat crap-infested carpet to the dump.

came home ready to rest, and now the week of work begins.

At least it's a short week.

battle of new orleans

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 15:41:33 -0600

Well, the love/hate relationship with poker just cycled to hate. I did nothing but lose last nite, and it wasn't like I made crazy bad plays or reads. Just called a little too often, and didn't make a single draw in omaha, which is the only way you win in that game. So all I did was lose, lose, lose.
Stupid game.